Sunday, August 15, 2010
I'm about to dump some sparkle on you people. With my awesome sparkle gun.
This is something I wanted to write when I was back East. Somehow I was amazed to be between the beginning of life and the end of it. My nephews, God they are gems. I would lay with them at night and tell them stories about 94 foot crabs that emerged from the ocean and were coming to seek vengeance on said nephews for burying them in the sand.
Instead of being afraid of this genius horror story, they expressed doubt. The doubt of a 94 foot crab going unnoticed while it terrorized a neighborhood. "Auntie, I don't get how someone wouldn't see the crab and call the police. Your story does not make sense." And I'm all like, "It's a bedtime story! Dear Lord! Here's the deal, the neighbors have "Lazy American" syndrome, they have all eaten Pasta Alfredo and passed out in front of their TVs....
Okay, let's get back to the part where the killer crab crushes you in his claw."
Man, I love being an aunt. With them, I was feeling like... they're so lucky, they can be ANYTHING they want to be. Your only job in life is to make your kid feel LIKE SHE/HE CAN DO ANYTHING. I never got that in my family but my Mom was kinda busy raising three kids while her husband was dying of congestive heart failure.
So I'll give her a pass. Because while back East, I figured out how to give myself awesome peps talks. (That's coming up, it's down there in BOLD.)
The point is... I will be in my nephews corner and I will be pep talking the shizzzzzz outta these kids. That's the deal. I'm there for them. For life. Assuaging every doubt and fear they could ever have.
I want them to not make the same mistakes as me. 1) Not traveling like I said I would. 2) Taking jobs out of fear - in my case it was financial fear ingrained in me since child hood 3) Working so hard that I missed out on life and reneged on promises - I've missed dates, family vacations, hanging out with friends, vacations with boyfriends, birthday parties, regular parties, going to see bands, JET SKIING. Oh, and when Jeffrey Dean Morgan asked me to lunch at Fed Ex Kinkos, I said no... I was working. (I know, I know!)
I don't want my nephews to miss out on life's joys like I did.
4) Spending too much time getting over relationships. So stupid. How can you (me) like anyone who doesn't like you (me) back? Why miss that person? My friend once said, "Your ex-boyfriend is thinking about you as much as you are thinking about your last boyfriend." "But I'm not thinking about him." "EXACTLY." 5) Mourning my cousin too much. The one who passed away when I was 14. It's like, I've let sadness coarse through me and I will not lie, it's certainly done more harm than good. It makes you not want to get close to people. I can remember a guy friend saying to me at 22, "You make loving you very difficult."
That was not my intention. I just never wanted anything to happen to him and not have pre-protected myself.
When you think of everything you (me) did wrong you (me) feel kind of melancholy like "Man, I kind of suck."
But then I went to visit my Uncle. This was someone at the end of their life. He was in a hospital bed in his home. He said to me, "I would very much like to go home right now." That's when I cried. That's when I felt... not like the self that walked through the door.
The self that thought only little kids have their lives ahead of them and only they CAN DO ANYTHING THEY WANT TO. I can, we all can. I have many, many, many years ahead of me. I mean, this should be very obvious but somehow I felt like it was deeply profound.
This is the sparkle people. Maybe you already know this. Then you are awesome. But now I see, I just have to change the things that I thought I had no time to change. The pep talks I give my nephews... I can give to myself. None of us is in a state they can't get out of. It takes work. It takes being "Queen of the Bounce Back."
That's when you shrug off things that are not worth it. What is your fear, insecurity, grief, disappointments, tendency to beat yourself up, having regrets about men/career - what is that giving you back?
Maybe it's making you so frickin' weighed down, you can't make a move. Maybe that's where you feel safest.
So here's what I believe: You can just quit all the behaviors you dislike, that are not working, that will make you have regrets in the future. First, you have to write them all down. Then a plan on how you can realistically change them. (I'll be doing mine for the list above.)
And that is the awesome pep talk. That you can give yourself your own PEP TALK.
For today, mine would be: "Girl, look at you. Your hair is looking fly today. I know your feeling nervous about a big meeting coming up because this is the company you WANT to be in business with but think about it like this: THEY SHOULD BE NERVOUS about you. You're going in there with something really great and if they don't like it, three companies already want to meet with you about it. Your worth is not measured by whether a project sells or not. And PS, pivot when you walk and know your talent is carved by diamonds. Sparkle out!"
Still having trouble? Okay, think of someone you love and would do anything for - now think of yourself that way. Now give yourself the pep talk like you love yourself like you love that other person.
Is this not mind blowing?
Sorry, I'm HIGH on the sparkle.
Okay, I want to hear, even anonymously, THE PEP TALK you would give yourself RIGHT NOW today. Put it in the comments section, beautifuls.
And if you like this post or think it will help someone, please link it to Twitter or Facebook. xoxoxo